‘And like the pheonix* you shall rise from the flames and the world will rejoice.’
*That’s not a mistake. That’s just an (in) accurate fact. It just makes more sense spelt that way.
Yes, dear friends, after 5 barren weeks of nothingness I have returned from my self-imposed exile refreshed, ready and raring to do what I do best. Write words around links in the hope it helps someone find themselves a better life than the one they are living. I am armed with a trusty new sidekick of a laptop, a lust for a new healthy way of living (after Saturday), a thirst for green tea and the same old obscure sense of humour guaranteed to have you ‘meh-ing’ with the best of them.
Now I may be a little way off my usual high standard today, 5 weeks is a long time, I’m out of practice. You can’t seriously think that I just bang this out in an hour, can you? Well, I don’t. So there. Usually, it takes a good 85-90 minutes of hardcore procrastination laced with a devilishly well-placed google or two. More often than not I run my ideas by my familiar as a sounding board (bored?) and if she’s happy with what she hears we commit it to the annuls of time here at digital nomad jobs.
Before we get into the whole ”digital nomad” bit of this I will answer the question I can (in my mind) hear you all asking.
”Where the flip have you been for 5 weeks? We need you Nomad News From Nowhere, now more than ever, you are our shining beacon in this bleak, post awful election results, pre-nuclear war world of grimness!”
Well, to be truthfully honest, I’ve been enjoying myself. It all went a bit ‘Britney’* with a set of hair trimmers and since then I’ve been enjoying the freedom a shaved head can give you**. I spent a rather cosmic week up in the wonderful part of Portugal where some of my best friends live helping them out, having some fun, throwing an apple into an apple-sized hole in a wall 25 yards away (it was the greatest, everybody says so) and knocking down/out several wooden partition walls/months of frustration with a sledgehammer. It was cosmic. After that came Xmas and the new sidekick laptop along with a declaration of vegetarianism which is now in its 19th day of progress. That was fun. Then I met up with the Westfalia Digital Nomads for a pint or four and a pretty wizard chat about petty much anything. It was good fun and you should really check out their website and social media pages for some interesting content and pretty great videos. Finally, I have just today got back from a 3-day mini trek across the Algarve. Anyway, that was that and this is this. Let’s get on with it.
*That’s still a relevant pop culture reference yeah?
**Shaving my head was absolutely not connected to the fact that I am rapidly going rather bald and needed a new look. Honest.
Where to get a job?
To be honest I’m thinking about replacing this section with something new soon. I really don’t think you need me to be telling you where to find work any more than I already have so I’ll give it a new twist this week.
First of all, look at this pretty amazing (if I do say so myself) list of job boards I have put together for you beautiful people over the past however months. Minutes of blood (I had a paper cut), sweat (I’ve lived in a fair few hot places) and tears (tears of boredom maybe? Maybe I was sad. I forget really) went into creating this ‘gift’ to you all.
Second on the agenda is what not to do. Every legitimate job on the internet is surrounded by 100 fake ones (‘Now that’s a scientific fact: there’s no real evidence for it, but it is scientific fact.’*). It might be worth making sure you know what to avoid when job hunting and thankfully some kind soul from Monster.com (roar) has put this handy article for you to peruse at your leisure.
*All credit to Brass Eye for that.
What to read?
Can anyone instantly turn you into a digital nomad? No!
Should someone be selling you a course promising you a stress-free life of digital nomad wonderism? No!
Is it a shameless scam designed to dupe the gullible into parting with their money? Yes!
Do people still pay for it? Yes! What? Really?
Yeah, they do. Don’t be like them, no online course is going to turn you into an instant digital nomad success.
Take heed of the incredibly useful information in this article and save yourself the money and the shame of being thought of as an absolute dink by me, your friends and your family.
Honestly, as a closer to those 2 links you probably want to stay away from anything with ‘academy’ in the title. For a start, it’s a crap name in nearly all instances and they’ll almost certainly want you to part with some money before giving you the ‘information’ that you can get for free by, you know, googling it or something. To be honest I doubt it will be that long before someone is trying to convince you to give them money to teach you how to live in a van… Wait, what? Someone already is?…… Christ. How do you teach someone to live in a van? Who the flip needs advice on how to live in a van? Do you all have the same van? Are all vans generic now? What are the questions? Where does the petrol go? Do I even need petrol? Can I change the music if I am driving at 50mph in the Basque region? Where do I pee? Do I need to close both eyes to properly sleep in a van? My God people. I could go on for days with this. If in doubt. Google it. IT’S FREE!
Right, sorry about that, I got a little bit excited there. Anyway, on to something more fun. I’m pretty out of shape. I’m not exactly fat I just smoke and drink excessively (not anymore, I hope) and I really need to not feel like I’m about to die if I walk over 2 miles. I figured I might as well try this app out and so far it’s pretty cosmic, I am actually only 2 days into it but yeah. It’s cool. It’s free and is a great way for digital nomads to keep fit whilst on the road. Best of all, it only takes 30 days! I imagine I will get to day 7.
Sometimes you can trawl the internet for hours looking for an article about the new Thai smart visa aimed at digital nomads. You could do that or you could do what I did and say Phuket. I’ll just head on over to the phuketgazette and read it there.
I just like the idea of this a lot. No quips from me here. The friendly vegans around the world trip is a pretty cosmic website. I’m not sure how often they update it mind, I guess when they have the energy?!*
*That’s terrible. I am truly sorry. I love vegans, literally, I’m marrying one.
Here’s a list of 52 destinations for digital nomads in 2018. I figured I’d throw it in here in case you can’t pick up a map or look at a globe yourself. You might need your hand holding whilst destination shopping? Although to be fair it is quite a good list. You could do a lot worse than look at it. You could pay someone a fee for a course on how to choose a destination. In fact, for 75p (PayPal only please) I will get a globe, spin it around and jab my long, bony finger in its direction. Wherever it lands you stay, deal? For an extra 25p, you can get the gold package where I exclusively reveal how hard to jab and at what height to approach the globe. You know it makes sense!
I’m going to be completely honest with you here. I have posted a few articles like this before and they are all very similar and like the previous ones it’s informative and well written but 99% of the reason I am putting it here is that on a Google page it’s called the No B.S guide to becoming location independent and I am still immature enough to read it as the nobs guide to… And I find that funny in a juvenile inbetweeners way. So here you have the no bs guide to becoming location independant.
WOMEN, WE WANT YOU! (The link is not half as creepy as it reads. Promise.)
What to read from The Guardian?
Digital nomad life might not be cutting it for you anymore. You might find a more basic, back to nature lifestyle is the one you want. If that’s the case why not move to Stronsay, the Scottish Island that’s open to all. I would love to, honestly, it’s just, er, um… The cat. I hear that they hate cats there*.
*Digital Nomad Jobs wishes to make it clear that we have no proof at all of anyone on Stronsay being an active hater of cats.A best they probably love cats and at worse, they are probably rather indifferent to them.
Now you’ve got your 10 top tips (for free) use them to enter this brilliant competition (for free). Top prize is a trip to Greenland (mostly for free).
I’m a little late here but January is obviously the best time to pretend to others, and most importantly, yourself, that you are going to get healthy. To do that you need 1 key thing. The right kit. Nothing screams ‘look at me, I’m so good, I’m off to the gym‘ than a brand spanking new kit bag. Check out the top 10 best ones here.
Where to go?
Costa Rica. Just like Toby in The Office.
Frankfurt. Just like Johnson in Peep Show.
New York. Just like King Kong.
What to eat?
I’m inclusive of everyone. With that in mind here is your innocent creature, brutally treated, murdered and stripped of its flesh meal of the week. You disgust me… Only joking, I loved chicken in a past life (not like that you child) and this sounds like it would be pretty great to me. A pot roast lemon chicken recipe. Let me know if it tastes as good in real life as it will in my dreams tonight.
Vegan fried rice. It’s good. I made some.
Only two this week. I am hoping to have something rather special coming to this section next issue so keep your eyes open, your ears to the ground and your fingers crossed for that.
What to drink?
Well, to be honest, I am about to open a beer so that’s a good choice. If you’re not into that maybe a wine? With my extensive knowledge of the drink, I think I would recommend a rather cheeky number you can find in most, if not all wine retailers. It’s a little name I picked up on my travels. It’s called a red one.
If you want something a little more exotic (a white or even a rose?!) you could do worse than a fantastic Indian lemonade.
Zip really. Get in touch if you want anything put in the next issue or want a chat or if you are in Portugal we can probably get a pint. Meeting people is easy apparently. I’d like to try it some more. Take it easy. Have a good end of week/weekend.